


Roll to Flirt

by rosethornli



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: As in I rolled physical dice for this fic, Banter, Comedy, Developing Relationship, F/M, Missing Scene, My Brother My Brother and Me References, Role-Playing Game, Supporting Cast Cameos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:15:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21843535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosethornli/pseuds/rosethornli
Summary: A series of missing scenes in the developing relationship of Minerva (alien) and Duck Newton (Forest Ranger, Chosen One) between the final two arcs.“What is wrong, Duck Newton? For our difference in stature, this is the easiest way to accommodate you.”“I”m not climbing on your back, Minerva.”
Relationships: Minerva/Duck Newton
Comments: 7
Kudos: 53
Collections: Yuletide 2019





	Roll to Flirt

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lanerose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lanerose/gifts).



_This Season on YouTube Red: The McElBro’s Present, "Turkey House"_

“They’re dating, obviously,” drawled Aubrey, taking a loud slurp from her Taco Bell Specialty Mountain Dew beverage.

Everyone was sprawled out like a sitcom friend group winding down their seventh season; as if there wasn’t a ton of clean up and preparation for the worst waiting in the wings, Duck’s crowded living room had become gossip central. Cue laugh track.

“What show is this?” asked Leo from the kitchen, cleaning up after himself like a considerate guest. Or someone who just wanted to be busy with his hands.

“That new YouTube classic!” Dani answered cheerfully from her spot curled up into Aubrey’s side, idly playing phone games.

“One with all the turkeys?” Barclay clarified.

“Yeah.” Duck grinned to himself. “They’re pretty fowl for leaving us with a cliffhanger like that last episode.”

Aubrey threw a wrapper at him, disgruntled that she hadn't been able to make a pun first, as the rest of the room collectively groaned.

>>Roll to ~~escape~~ dodge.

Duck rolled a **mixed success**.

It misses you, but at a cost.

He sidestepped into the end table, knocking a landslide of take out containers onto the floor. A plastic lid crunched wetly under foot; Aubrey gave a sheepish smile.

Duck mentally groaned, but like a responsible adult, decided it was a problem for later and segways into other things.

“So anyway, who’s dating?”

“Kuni* and Kym*!”

“The one we think is a coyote?”

“They haven’t confirmed yet…”

“They spend all their time together, and after that scene in the pantry that Arka* walks into--”

“They’re super close!”

“Just ‘cause they’re close don’t mean they’re romantically involved,” Duck cuts in.

Dani and Aubrey hum a noncommittal reply that’s strangely harmonious and says more than they think.

“You got a point, Duck. I dunno what those turkey kids are doing thinking about holding feathers when Second Thanksgiving is just ‘round the corner.”

“Second Thanksgiving? That a thing?”

Leo shrugged. “It is in the show.”

He doesn't have much to say in response to that.

Duck let the conversation of his friends wash over him, slouching against the doorway between the living room and kitchen. It’s been barely any time since the mountain fell and government stooges isolated the town. He can see the effects on his people: in the redness of Aubrey’s eyes and forceful cheer of her voice; the careful inattention in Dani, avoiding looking at any one directly; the tense set of Barclay’s shoulders as he clenches and unclenches his hands; how Leo has avoided sitting still for hours on end, only to find some other way to help someone when he’s done with his own stuff. How one important member is absent from the room.

“Hey Leo,” Duck said, poking his head into the kitchen to see a clean row of dishes in the drainer and Leo drying off his hands. “You seen Minerva?”

“Ah, yeah, Duck, I think I saw her out back.”

Duck and Leo locked eyes, and with the silent understanding of shared experience, and exchange a nod.

_"You got this?" / "I got this."_

First, though, he's gotta check, and goes further into the apartment to look out back. 

Minerva is not a person he’s afraid to approach with difficult things. He respects her, and find comfort in their mutual understanding. She has a right to privacy, though; if it looks like she’s doing something super alien secret (like glowing blue) or personal (like mourning her home), he’s not going to interrupt. Man, she’d probably give a monologue about responsibility if he did. He's sill processing from the last one.

There’s a view of the backyard from the bathroom, where he takes a pit stop. Washing his hands, he stares at her strong back, silhouetted but nonetheless tall and broad, until the hot water turns scalding enough to wince. She looks pensive and on guard but not guarded. Like a protector. 

His bathroom window isn’t big enough to fit through without getting stuck (he knows from personal experience). To avoid the humiliation of being saved by Leo (again), he needs to go back through the common area.

He hears a telltale sound in the hallway on his way back. "Gooble gobble gobble!" from the TV, followed by the catchphrase, "Not that kind of language in this house!"

Darn, now they’re using his TV to rewatch Turkey House on YouTube?

Sure, fine, his place is a community center. As long as they leave the place like they found it - which, arguably, isn’t hard; Duck is not an especially clean or organized person.

And they don’t start the new episode without him.

(It’s not as big a deal as he makes it out to be, but he grumbles about it halfheartedly anyway. Duck has never been a people-person, but he’ll always be a people-helping-person.)

Leo has moved on to tackling other chores by now: the wrappers piling up on furniture and floor. Duck makes a note to talk to him after if he still has the energy.

There’s a few ways this could go.

The chill hits him full in the face as the screen door bangs shut behind him. Huddled in his forestry coat, Duck's followed by a trail of humid air, breathing in and out in long and careful bursts.

Minerva is standing on the edge of the property line where civilized apartment grass meets craggy dirt patches and brushwood. She stands with her back straight and gaze high, both hands on the hilt of her unsheathed broadsword that pierces the ground. Like a knight out of the stories, standing guard to protect her people.

“Greetings, Duck Newton,” she says, gaze steady on the forest as she finally acknowledges him by her side.

Duck lets out a sigh, hand rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “Ah, hey, Minerva. Mind telling me what you’re doing?”

“I am waiting.”

“Yeah, I got that. But, you know. For what?”

“For our enemies.”

“Our… yeah. I guess we still’ve got those, huh.”

“Indeed, Duck Newton.”

Silence blankets them, accompanied by wind through bare branches.

Duck doesn’t feel prepared for this. But then again, he hasn't been prepared for anything his entire life.

“Look. I know you want to protect us and all, but you don’t gotta stand all gargoyle out here to do that.”

She looks at him skeptically. “This is a very defensible position.”

“I’m sure it is. Just, don’t you have anything better to do?”

“The safety of others is of primary importance--” she starts, ready-to-lecture tone same as the million times he’d heard her go on back in the days she looked like a formless blue manikin. It’s strangely nostalgic.

“You ain’t going to help us out if you’re tired and shit. C’mon, Minerva,” he presses, “there really isn’t anything else you want to do? Didn’t you have hobbies back on Centura Prime?”

“Miralaviniax Orbital Body 5,” she corrects.

Duck keeps going. “Nothing you want to do? You can join everybody inside. We’re having a show- marathon- thing. Kind of like how you used to show up as a hologram. But longer. And in two dimensions.”

“I am aware of the concept of video graphics.” 

He can tell he’s getting through to her since she’s staring him down now and not the forest.

"There's some great fight scenes in this one series. Terminator. You heard of it?"

Her fists clench and unclench on the hilt of her sword.

“I suppose there is one activity that will be more beneficial to us all.” 

“Yeah?” Duck prompts, curious.

A wide smile splits her face and he feels his stomach drop. There is only one thing that makes her that happy. Ah, damn it, he should have known.

“Shall we spar, Duck Newton?”

He can't say no when she finally has that pensive look off her face.

“Ah, yeah, let me just…” Duck reached for his belt and vaguely regretting getting himself into this situation.

“Aw yessss…” Beacon piped up, coming online at the mention of a fight. “Finally ready to wield me in battle, eh, Duck? Let us fight this out. Destroy a building or two, eh? Show her what we’ve really got.”

“We’re not going to do any of that,” Duck said.

“Let us spar!” Minerva said.

“And movies after?” he asked hopefully.

“Perhaps. But first, we shall do glorious battle!”

Metal clashing against metal breaks the silence of the field, but inside is drowned out by the clucking of new age sitcoms.

* * *

_And They Were Roommates_

>>Roll to ~~Investigate the Mystery of stuff Minerva would find entertaining~~ share experiences with your friendly neighborhood alien.

Duck rolled a **mixed success**.

You can take Minerva out and show her the town, but you have to do something for her first.

“Duck Newton,” Minerva said in a grim tone. “We must speak.”

Duck scratched the back of his head, his back to her, puzzling over the state of his small bachelor pad. How could three people make this big of a mess? “Uh, yeah, Minerva, just a second.”

“It is an urgent matter.”

“Yeah, yeah, just- the bathroom’s free now, Aubrey’s done with the fire safety thing she was working on.”

“It is not regarding the porcelain throne.” She put a hand on his shoulder, grip tight enough to make him wince. “It is about our living standards.”

Duck finally looked at her as she forcibly turned him around. “What about it, Minerva?”

“Our current arrangement will not sustain us,” she said with certainty, making intense eye contact. Duck is rooted in place with both her hands on his shoulders. Her gaze was always intense, but right now it was especially piercing. 

“Okay?”

“You have not been sleeping well in this so-called ‘sleeping bag’. This must not continue.”

“Uh, no, really, it’s fine---” a jaw splitting yawn betrayed him “-- really, don’t worry about it. You’re good in the bed, right? It’s not too short for you or anything?”

“Your rest area is sufficient, Duck Newton. But, do not seek to delay the issue. There is a simple solution to our problem.”

Duck wasn’t completely convinced there was a problem, but asked anyway, “What’s that?”

“We will share the chamber!” she said with gusto, smacking his shoulders in her enthusiasm (for 1 harm if he wasn’t armored at 2 resistance.) 

“Woah, woah, woah,” Duck sputtered. “Share the-- share the bed?”

“Indeed!”

“We can’t just- share the bed.” He put his arms up defensively, shrugging off her hands. “Think about this for a minute. I’m a restless sleeper, sometimes, and, ugh. What if you’re a blanket hog?”

“We share these vision dreams that are the source of restlessness, do we not, Duck Newton? We can procure more blankets for this bed if you are so concerned.

“I have shared such space with a number of my former comrades,” her face remained calm, but there was a slight pinch to her eyes as she mentioned them, “and have been told none of them suffered from a chill when I am at their side.”

“You’re a furnace. Great,” Duck muttered to himself.

“That’s not the problem here, Minvera. I’m not really used to sleeping next to anyone. And, well, I’m not sure the bed is big enough; a Full’s kinda close, you know?”

“I understand your concern,” she said, tone taking the serious turn she had approached him with. “But you are suffering at the cost of your own health. You will not be fit to do battle without rest.”

It's not like he's against sharing space with her. He's been on his own for a long time; he's not used to sharing space with people. She's been a constant for most of his growing up - seen him at this worst. If it was her, maybe it wouldn't be so bad?

Duck could sense she wouldn’t let this go, and felt the last of his energy left to protest drifting away. “I guess…”

“Good!” Minerva said loudly in a celebratory tone. “Now let us dispose of this ‘sleeping bag’ that has caused you such ill!”

“Wait!” Duck protested, scrambling in a panic after her. “I still need that for camping!”

* * *

_Duck Newton’s Guide to Earth Culture and Cuisine_

A crumpled and stained piece of paper in Duck’s handwriting:

Stuff to see so Minerva gets my references:

  * Home Alone
  * ~~Alien ?~~ \-- too insensitive
  * E.T.
  * Back to the Future
  * Back to the Future Part II
  * Ghostbusters
  * Die Hard
  * Gremlins
  * Star Wars
  * Terminator



New Movies:

  * Avengers: End Game
  * [crossed out and illegible]
  * [crossed out and illegible]
  * Nothing else bc we can’t get new stuff in
  * Damn government shutdown



Food that everybody needs to eat

  * Tacos
  * Stuffed crust pizza
  * Nachos
  * Mozzarella sticks
  * Waffles
  * A burger the size of your head
  * Corndog



* * *

_Duck and Minerva’s Excellent Movie Adventure_

The local cinema didn’t get much traffic with everyone barred from the area, but like everyone knows, the show must go on. More specifically, the one place you can go any time of year to escape gross relatives, entertain bored kids out of school, or hold your sweetheart’s hand needed to stay open. For the sanity of the town. It was a public service.

The two listless teens at the counter, who had seen the slouched form of Local Forest Ranger Duck Newton and his Very Tall and Loud Friend come in for the third of five showings of their only movie, Avengers: Endgame, were currently debating which one they fell under.

They’re clearly dating. Or are they?

“What is this ‘corned dog’, Duck Newton?”

“It’s a, uh, corn dog, Minerva. Wait, let me get you some ketchup and mustard - “

She bit into it before he could give her the game changing condiments.

“It is very dry from the corn.”

“Here, try it now.”

“In this slurry of colorful confections?”

“It’s not sweet. Just trust me-- mixing them together is the best way to eat it.”

She took another bite, and Duck slurped his drink while he watched her expression change into one of delight.

“You are correct, Duck Newton!” she explained, slapping a hand on his back that made him choke. “This corndog is indeed as good as the separate corn and dog!”

“Yeah, hot dogs and stuff are great. Listen, we gotta get seats. You know I can’t miss the previews.”

* * *

_Avenger’s: End Game_

“I cannot believe the Hulk blew up like that!” Minerva exclaimed, sending the last few kernels of popcorn scattering under their feet.

Duck winced. “Well, yeah, Minerva. It was a good movie, but you gotta watch the spoilers.”

“My apologies, Duck Newton.”

Out in the cold air of the parking lot, Minerva turned to him. “Was that the correct use of the phrase ‘blew up’?”

He laughed. “Yeah, that was alright.”

“Your Earth lingo-gauge is much more casual than my homes’, my friend dude.” Minerva smiled at him and gave an exaggerated wink with both eyes. Though one was closed tighter than the other.

Duck stopped walking. 

“Don’t, like. Uh - it doesn’t sound like you.” He ran a hand through his hair. “If I tried to talk all formal, I’m not sure how that would go. You don’t have to change how you’re doing life just because you’re living in a new place.”

Minerva gave him the unyielding attentive stare that meant she would wait for him to finish, now that they weren’t on a set timer for communication.

“Man, sorry. You know?” He sighed. “I know you haven’t really talked with a lot of people in a long time. I want to share all this Earth stuff with you because you’re my friend, Minerva, and I want you to know where I’m coming from. And be able to enjoy yourself, too, after everything. Who knows when the next monster shit will hit the fan.

"I don’t want you to feel like you have’ta be one of us now or something. You should just be you.”

A beat. And another.

The silence was getting to him; Duck started to ramble. “I don't know if I said that right. You know. I’m more comfortable in the woods and, well, trees aren’t great talkers, but if they did, I’m sure the conversation would be, uh…” 

“I take no offense, Duck Newton,” she says, laying a hand on his shoulder. “Nor have I met a talking tree. But if we use your Earth literature for reference, I believe it would be --” she does her best to mimic the words, clearly attempting to quote someone, but the cadence is still her own, “slow and drawn out.”

That breaks through the tension he’d been feeling, and Duck snorts. “Man, who has you watching Lord of the Rings?”

“Both our neighbors, Leo and Dani, are fond of it, Duck Newton.”

She smiles at him, and he feels the tension in his shoulders ease. He doesn’t like people trying to be who they aren’t; it’s a sort of pressure that hits close to home.

It’s another minute of walking before they stop near a strip of grass serving as a parking meridian between the movie theater and the combination Dollar Store - Supercuts - KFC shopping center.

Passing headlights from the nearby highway glint off the lock chaining his skateboard to the lightpool, haphazardly secured to prevent theft.

“Uh, so. We should be getting home.”

“Indeed.” 

“I can, er. Give you a ride?” Duck looked down at his ‘ride’ with uncertainty. “I mean, it’s gonna be a tight fit, but you’re a warrior and we’ve both got powers… of balance... (gods)… so it can’t be that hard…”

>>Roll to persuade someone.

Duck rolled a **failure**.

Minerva smiled at Duck in a sharply amused way that meant she thought very little of the feasibility of his idea and had come up with one of her own. Which, sometimes, was better, sometimes worse, sometimes struck genius straight out of Home Alone 2 - but that was alien logic for you.

“Nonsense. We have a perfectly serviceable option to us already here.”

Duck looked around at the dark, fairly empty parking lot, highly skeptical but holding his suspension of disbelief. There weren’t even any cars passing by on the road, or the hooting of native wildlife. Was she going to beam them up somewhere? (Why hadn’t she mentioned that power before?)

“Our legs!” Minerva said with a triumph arm thrust.

Duck stared at her with the dead eyes of a retail worker on Thanksgiving.

“I dunno, Minerva, I mean, I used to run around everywhere like that but after the whole regular person shtick. I don’t really feel up to it.”

“Worry not, my friend.” She shrugged off her sweatshirt and tied it around her waist, biceps flexing, with an expression of determination. He felt an ache forming between his eyes as she crouched down in front of him. “I will give you the Ride of the Piggy.”

Duck’s putout slouch grew an extra long curvature. “First of all, that’s not even what it’s called. Second, uh-uh. No way.”

“What is wrong, Duck Newton? For our difference in stature, this is the easiest way to accommodate you.”

“I”m not climbing on your back, Minerva.”

“Of course not. You will hold on and man the light beam while I run for the both of us.”

“I have not, god, ‘ridden’ piggyback since I has a lot smaller than I am now. This is not going to happen.”

>>Roll to escape the situation.

Duck rolled a **mixed success**.

You can’t escape the situation, but another option is presented.

“Very well,” she said, brushing off her knees. “I shall then carry you in the way of royalty.”

It took him a minute to put two and two together.

“Oh goddammit. Fuck.” Duck continued to mutter under his breath. 

“Fine! We can do it your way. Just… you know… we have to carry my board back with us too.”

“Of course, Duck Newton! We will not leave your chariot behind. Think of this as training at this juncture.” Minerva let out a loud, booming laugh.

Duck shook his head in exasperation, but hidden by the shadows of the streetlight, he was smiling.

It was good to hear her laugh again.

**Author's Note:**

> I listened to a lot of MbMbam while writing this.
> 
> Kuni is @lesbiankunikida on twitter  
> Kym is @kymcattys on twitter  
> Arka is @arkapain on twitter
> 
> Suggested soundtrack as you read this: multiple tables rolling dice and shuffling cards at a board game convention.


End file.
